I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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