3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Don't make out with my wife yet
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
