ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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