when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
