You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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