If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize