How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
