Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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