The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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