There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
