Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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