i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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