Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
