so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
there is puke in my bra ... again
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