Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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