If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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