I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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