Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize