you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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