I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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