We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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