My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize