I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
