his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
