there's paper in my vomit.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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