Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize