i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
