Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
