he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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