I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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