Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
