Plan B is the new Plan A
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
