some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
