So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
