Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
