My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
