you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
how does that bad decision feel?
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