i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
pray to the hookup gods
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
