Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
