so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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