A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
