Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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