I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
