This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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