3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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