i think i have herpe
just one?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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