so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
