You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
