i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
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