Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
