He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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