Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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