just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
