Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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