its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
