theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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