Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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