after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
