Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
