You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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