they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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