She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do vagina's smell?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
