I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She swung at the pinata with crutches
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
