U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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