You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Be still, my beating vagina.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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