There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
