Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
